The Teacher learns from her students
My parents and I are from two different worlds. I raise my children in a lot of ways very differently from the way I was raised.
My parents never told me they loved me until I was married and told them first. As a child, I didn’t really understand that this was the way they were brought up too. I always knew they loved me and they showed it in their actions, but not their words. Don’t get me wrong, they were very loving but in their own ways. They just came from a different culture with very different ways of seeing things. A world where people were discouraged from sharing their emotions. They both came to Canada from Portugal when they were adults and their philosophies sort of stuck with them while they were raising their six children.
My mom never believed in praising her children because she felt it would give them, “a big head”. I had to work really hard at my self esteem and my inability to share my emotions while growing up.
Now I have my own children and I work really hard at encouraging my children to share what they feel. My siblings and I have no problem expressing our love in words to our children.
Saturdays, my parents watch over my two boys since I work 3 out of 4 of them. I called my Mom in the afternoon to see how they were doing. She passed the phone over to Jeffrey who was happily telling me how much fun he was having. Before he passed the phone back to my Mom, he told me, “Bye Mama, I love you”.
She commented on how he had no problem telling me he loved me.
Me: “Of course, not. He hears it all the time from me and hubby.”
Mom: “I was never able to tell my children that”.
Me: “I know Mom. But you say it to your grandchildren now, and that’s important to me”.
My Mom has learned the importance of those three words and now says it to all her 8, soon 9 grandchildren. My parents taught us a lot growing up but it was their children who taught them that saying, “I Love You” is important.
It’s never to late to learn.
I was also raised in an environment where expressing emotions seems like a hard task to do. And yes, now that I have a kid of my own, I tell her all the time that I love her so much even if she does not understand it yet. thanks for sharing your thoughts
kaje´s last blog ..Holidays in Hand
It’s beautiful that she is realizing that and saying “I Love You” to her grandchildren. (I wish my in-laws would learn that already…) They were very much that way, they showed their kids they loved them with actinos, not words. And since my husband and his siblings are somehow very literal people, they need to hear the words not just see the actions.
I find it funny because I grew up in one of those houses where my parents couldn’t tell us that enough. But my husband grew up the opposite, and somehow with our daughter we have a middle ground.
Jac´s last blog ..Hearing Double
What a simple but beautiful post. If given a choice I’d definitely rather be shown love than to just have the words, but of course I’d prefer to have the words and the actions to make me feel truly loved. I know a few families that worry that their children will get a big head if they hear too much loving praise. I love that your parents were open to changing the beliefs that they held and could learn from their children.
Tina t´s last blog ..Love, Lies and Body Language
Glad to hear that your mother decided to make that first step. I couldn’t imagine living in a household where those words were never spoken. Every time I talk to my parents on the phone, it is a guarantee that they will say “Love you” and I’m obligated to say it back. I guess sometimes I get embarrassed depending on where I’m at, but now I will never take those words for granted.
Lovely post today. Those grand children are very powerful teachers. Life changes for the better when they come along. The stress of raising children and doing everything right just leaves and only the joy remains.
Buggys´s last blog ..Oprah Says "Fun Gift Card Idea"
Though I loved my parents alot (they are both now deceased from bad illnesses), I never heard from my Dad that he loved me until about 1 week before he died. I never heard the words from my mom ever. I would say them to her, but she never said them back. I even took care of her in my home the last year of her life, and still she never said it, even when I, or my siblings said it to her.
Parents need to say it to their kids, and even if it’s hard for them too, they can mustard up the courage and say it on holidays or birthdays at least.
In my home we say I love you daily to each other. That’s the way it really should be, anyways that’s my opinion.
That’s the same exact situation for my husband! His parents never said I love you and never hugged. After he met me, that was an adjustment and something he had to adjust to with my family. After a while, he even had his whole family and siblings saying it and hugging.
blueviolet´s last blog ..Dream On
I love this post and it really moved me.
Hearing those three words can really brighten up someone’s day and make them feel so complete. I’m happy I grew up not just seeing the actions but hearing those words also.
Happy for you and your family!
Glad that the teacher is humbled enough to learn from the students. That is how we keep improving on ourselves and become better person.
BK´s last blog ..Thanksgiving by Edgar Albert Guest
How wonderful your mom now says I love you.
carol at A Second Cup´s last blog ..Aging with Adventure: The Vanilla Bean Quest: A Second Cup Recipe Suggestion Part II
I am so glad to hear your mom says it now. After reading your post, it is apparent how similar our mothers were while they raised us. It certainly makes a difference in your self esteem and self worth. And like you, I aspire to be different with my daughter
Well, said. It’s never too late to start!
Vixen´s last blog ..#Tweetsgiving Day One
i’m so glad to have read this post. i say i love you to my son as much as i can but doesn’t have the courage to say it to my own parents… i didn’t grow up in such an environment:-). during vacation, my parents say i love you to my son but never to me and my brother.
wendy´s last blog ..The Importance of Listening
Awww…This is so sweet. This is a proof that it’s never too late to say I love you. Thank you for sharing this very loving post.
I have a story similar to this and truly understand the importance of those words.
Julie@Momspective´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Aren’t I Adorable?
I actually grew up in a very similar situation. My dad was the one that couldn’t show love. I’ve always been challenged to share that with my kids now. But I go out of my way to do so and it gets easier every day.
Tami@HeartsMakeFamilies´s last blog ..No Words Necessary – Wordless Wednesday