Friday Frustrations – When your not there
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I had this girl in school who use to coerce me into doing what she wanted me to. I was a very timid and shy girl and didn’t want to upset her so I would do it. Nothing illegal or major, but I still did things like her homework. It wasn’t until I was older that I understood that it was a form of bullying.
Bullying is something that I hear more and more about these days. It’s on the news, on talk shows, internet, you name it.
It’s something that I hoped I would not have to deal with with my sons. A year ago, I arrived at daycare after work to pick up Jeffrey. I overheard one of the children yelling to someone, “if you don’t give me that toy, I’m not going to play with you ever again.” My ears perked up a bit and I started making my way to the play area when I heard, “your not strong, your small and weak”. As I opened the door, I realized that this child was yelling this to my son. What disturbed me the most was Jeffrey’s reaction to this bullying. His head was bowed down and he just looked so sad. But, he said nothing, just complied. Besides the fact that I wanted to rip into this boy, I allowed the daycare worker to handle the situation with the boy. I found out also that this boy was known to be a bully.
In the car, I spoke to Jeffrey about the importance of standing up for himself. Of never allowing someone else to make him feel bad about himself. I told him it’s important to inform an adult if this boy or any one else bullies him again. I hoped that the message would be understood. I also ensured that the daycare informed this bully’s parents about his behavior.
Fast forward to one year later. I’ve been on maternity leave since last October but had to keep Jeffrey’s spot at the daycare open so I don’t lose it. I take him every once in a while to ensure his spot doesn’t get taken. When hubby and I went to pick him up today, he was playing outside with the other children. As my husband approached the slide where Jeffrey was, he sees one of the little girls on top of the slide waiting to come down. At the bottom of the slide was my son who wanted to climb up. Hubby hears my son telling this girl, “if you don’t move, I’ll hurt you.”
Hubby tells me the story and I feel my blood boiling a little. In my head I’m thinking, “NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO USE BULLYING AS A MEANS TO GET WHAT HE WANTS”.
But in the car while driving back home I explain why what he did was wrong. I try to really drive home the point of how bad Bullying really is. How wrong it is etc….etc….etc… As we are approaching home, I ask if he understands why what he said was wrong. He answers Yes. I feel a little positive and ask,
“Can you explain to me why what you did was wrong”?
Jeffrey answers, “I can’t explain, you said so much”.
Why is there no Parenting Easy button when you need it?
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Oh my, I feel you Maria. When I was in High school I was bullied and as a result I bullied other people who were “weaker” than me… It’s definitely something I am not proud of. Now that I have kids, I never want them to be bullied or be the bully, I know how both feels like, and it’s never fun to be bullied or be feared.
I want that easy parenting button too, give me the heads up when one is invented…
Happy Weekend Maria!
Ane´s last blog ..Thursday Thirteen: Recent Events*
Hi Maria,
I have an award for you. I just need some time this morning to get it up. I noticed the time and have to run my son to school. I have others to comment on yet. I will be back later to read your post! Hope you have a great day.
Wishful thinking, my friend, wishful thinking. I have always found it interesting to watch how our kids grow and learn socially. Both of mine seem to be content with not being around people to annoy them. They just walk away. I was never like that. I guess it’s a good thing for them but at 17 and 9 there’s still no easy button!
Stacey´s last blog ..And Then My Head Exploded…
Haha, cute! Glad he learned not to bully other wise he will be the recipient of a long lecture. I, myself, have never been a victim of bullying. I was always tomboyish so no one really messed with me as I was practically one of the boys.
Uh-oh,I hope Jeffrey doesn’t get the habit of bullying. I’ve heard of stories about bully victims becoming bully themselves as a matter of defense mechanism. Just guide him through.At least he knows bullying is bad, that’s one step to enlightenment.And good thing your hubby heard him that day so you can correct him early.
Femmepower´s last blog ..Fun Friday
LOL, you must have rambled on more than you thought. At least he understand what you were getting at.
I’ve heard of bullying and it’s rampant. My kids never dealt with it but one of my friends had a daughter who was bullied from elementary through high school.
My daughter was a tough cookie and I know she never would have stood for anything from anyone. My son was much more quiet and kept everything inside so we always worried he’d be ripe for bullying. Fortunately, it never happened. However, we told him that if he were ever bullied not to throw the first punch but if someone hit him, he had our permission to hit back and defend himself. That goes against school policy but we didn’t care.
blueviolet´s last blog ..Fridays are always Fragmented
I wish kids came with a brief but effective instruction manual as well as an easy button.
When I was little I remember being bullied by a girl until one day I turned around and punched her in the nose. Not to say that this is the best way to deal with a bully, but she never bothered me again. I think it’s harder for kids these days, because they need to find a more socially acceptable way to deal with bullies, but most bullies can’t be reasoned with.
Tina t´s last blog ..How Much Should You Change for Love?
If you ever find that easy parenting button, please let me know!
Mommy Bear´s last blog ..Time Well Spent
You sound like a great mom! I had to have the same talk with my son due to bully at school. So sad.
I would love an Easy Button in parenting.
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