
I was trying to find some Oscars related jokes for this week’s theme, considering it is Oscars Day. I couldn’t come up with enough of a collection, so instead I thought I’d post some funny movie quotes.
There are a lot of funny quotes out there, I’m sure I missed some great ones. If you think of one, share it in the comments.
The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in ‘Love and Death’
I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.
Jessica Rabbit
(Kathleen Turner) in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’
Old age. It’s the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don’t look forward to being cured of.
Bernstein (Everett Sloane) in ‘Citizen Kane’
Scarecrow (Ray Bolger): I haven’t got a brain… only straw.
Dorothy (Judy Garland): How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don’t know… But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking… don’t they?
Dorothy: Yes, I guess you’re right.
‘Wizard of Oz’
“There’s no crying in baseball! There’s no crying in baseball!!” Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan from A League Of Their Own
Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry. Things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
Donkey from Shrek
“I always just hoped that, that I’d meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn’t make her physically sick, then pop the question and… um… settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that!” ~ Four Weddings and a Funeral
“All I’m saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.” ~ When Harry Met Sally
“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”
Sgt. Bilko
“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”
Knocked Up